Noah update

Noah's progress in the last few months really has been so phenomenal that I can't NOT post about it. The kid is now speaking in small sentences ("Need help", "More ice", "Go in the water", etc). A year ago, he had an extremely limited vocabulary. It's been amazing to watch him grow.

(Swimming at a neighbor's house, and he's now tall enough to touch the bottom!)

His interests are also broadening as well, and he's able to tell us about them. He's taken an interest in sports. He's not really competitive, but he really loves baseball and bowling right now. He prefers to pitch to us rather than hit, which is fascinating to me. Normally kids like to be the one batting all the time.

He's also recently become obsessed with bowling. I have Calliou to thank for that actually. He fell in love with an episode where Grandpa takes Calliou bowling. And while I can't stand the whiney kid, I'm kind of excited it spurred an interest in Noah. He actually asked to go bowling and has asked to go back almost every day since. I'm so so glad the bowling alleys in our area do free kids bowling in the summer. Perfect timing!

I had no idea bowling alleys did this now (or maybe they always did?), but they have ramps for kids, mostly for the really little ones or those with special needs. Noah still has low muscle tone in his arms, so after he starts to get tired, he'll use the ramp. Still uses those muscles, but the ball doesn't stop midway down the lane. haha.

And of course, we've been doing lots of swimming and water fun. There's an aquatic center nearby that has a cool outdoor playground pool. Noah loves it there! My sister came with us last time to help me out. We decided she'd be a lot faster getting to him if something were to happen. lol.

People keep asking me how Noah's been handling the pregnancy or if he seems to understand there is a baby coming. We've talked about the baby a few times, especially now that the crib is set up. I'm not sure how much of it he gets, but I've learned not to underestimate his comprehension of things. Brad and I realize that he can take in information in one quick glance and remember it forever, whereas most people need to think about it first. This is one reason we're very cautious about what people say in front of Noah about autism and his development. We actually have made the decision recently not to allow him to be around a particular person anymore. Every time she's around him, she picks him apart... his diet, his mannerisms, etc. The fact that I haven't strangled her yet, given my insanely hormonal pregnant state, is nothing short of a miracle. So yeah, no more of that. 

I do think Noah is at least picking up that something is changing. He's become incredibly clingy to me, bursting into tears when I have to leave for a Dr appt or just to get my hair done. I had to go to the OB last week, and Brad had an interview to go to. My sister came over to stay with him while I was gone, and she said he watched me back out of the driveway then bawled his little eyes out. Ugh. Mom guilt, anyone??

I totally get this is a phase and most likely being triggered by all the changes going on. But it still stings.

The good thing is that the tears don't last long, and he's happy once I come back. It'll be interesting to see how he handles my attention being divided after the baby is here. I'm also a little worried about being in the hospital for a couple of days. I know he'll be fine, but I can't help worrying about him just a little.

The good thing is that we live so close to family, and it's going to be a team effort taking care of him. My mom, stepdad, and little sister will be staying with him. But my dad and stepmom will be helping out too. And hopefully this go-around will be much smoother than it was with Noah. With Noah, I was in the hospital for four days. This time, I'm hoping I get to leave as soon as possible. :)

things going through my head

I'm realizing it's okay just to write when I want to. It doesn't have to be another to-do on my checklist. That's kind of the point anyway, right?

***

Sibling Day was yesterday apparently. Which for kids from divorced/blended families, it makes things a little complicated.

I have one full brother, two stepsisters, and one "half" sister. The stepsisters and half sister are from different sides of the remarriages. I grew up with the stepsisters before our parents were both divorced. There's lots of history. So what do I post? Do I do two posts... one with one side, then another with the other? Do I photoshop them all in one picture? Which side do I include my brother in?

I'm pretty sure no matter how I worked it out, somebody's feelings would be hurt. So I just didn't post anything.
Seriously, it shouldn't be this stressful. lol

So here. Me with my brother and little sister:

 

And an old one of me with my stepsisters:

 

 

There. Happy (day after) Sibling Day. ;)

***

I've gotten to the stage in my pregnancy where I'm don't-take-no-crap-from-nobody mom. If only this had kicked in a couple weeks ago when I was feeling judged/pressured/bullied about an issue regarding Noah (I'll get to it in a minute).

I got this way around this time with Noah too. I actually yelled at my boss at the time. *hangs head in shame* In my defense, everyone else there always wanted to. She could be pretty mean at times, and we would all just take it. But add in some good 'ol pregnancy hormones, and it was enough for me to walk into her office and let her have it for embarrassing me in front of my coworkers. And of course, that night I was appalled at myself and apologized. lol.

Anyway, I can feel it happening again. Thankfully, this time I'm prepared. I could feel myself getting super angry with Brad over something stupid a couple of days ago, so instead of losing it, I just walked away. Ten minutes later, I was good.

Pregnancy is so weird sometimes.

***

Facebook is starting to irritate me just a little bit. It may be related to the above mentioned hormones. But I swear, people are so quick to hand out advice that they often don't even read what was written in the original post. And then I get all embarrassed for them when they sound goofy.

Then there's the issue of random people wanting to be friends with me. We have a mutual friend in common, so therefore... we must be friends too! It's very strange and puts me in an awkward position. I don't want to be a jerk and not add them, but I also don't feel comfortable becoming friends with people I really don't know. So I have about 15 people just sitting in my "request" box.

***

This baby is a break-dancer. Or a gymnast. Something along those lines. The kid is busy. I could feel him moving really early on this time around (at 15 weeks), and he hasn't let up since. It's kind of distracting when you're trying to carry on a normal conversation with someone while having a tiny person doing somersaults and kicking your ribs.

Speaking of which, I'm officially 26 weeks as of Tuesday. That means next week? I'll be in my 3rd trimester. This pregnancy is flying! Ask me in a month or two though, and I doubt I'll be feeling the same way. ;)

***

So the thing that got me all anxious and weird? Our decision to homeschool Noah.
His speech therapist, who works for the local school system in addition to private therapy, asked me about it and then put all this pressure on me. I literally left there feeling so defeated, anxious, and freaked that this was going to make things weird from now on.

When most people decide what to do with their kids' schooling, it's really not a big deal. The most you really have to deal with are nosy friends or opinionated family members, right? But when you have a special needs kid, suddenly you feel like you have to explain every little decision to everyone, including people who only see him for 30 minutes a week. And I don't even mean schooling... I'm talking diet, therapy, sleep, discipline... the list goes on. But telling people who work for the school system that you don't plan on putting them there? Yeah, that doesn't go over well.

Then you're made to feel like an idiot. Or a bad mom. Or that you can't do it. I think visions of me in a jean jumper, Noah churning butter, and staring blankly when "outsiders" talk to us must be racing through their heads.

Here's the thing. I don't hate schools. I don't hate teachers. I'm not anti-school at all! In fact, as a kid, I really loved school. There are some amazing teachers out there... I'm friends with lots of them! Teachers who are amazing with kids, special needs or not. I know the school system can be an amazing resource. I know plenty of kids benefit from it. But I also knew two years ago in my heart of hearts... that gut mom-instinct.... God was telling me to homeschool Noah. I could give you statistics, countless stories, and about a million other reasons that factored into our decision... but at the end of the day, it's because I know the One I need to answer to is the only one that matters. How do you explain that to people? That God has made it clear, and I need to listen.

I have a friend that gets it. She's one of the coolest people I've ever met. Her son has high functioning autism and her daughter has a sensory processing disorder (among a couple other things). I went to her for advice/encouragement. She totally got it. She told me how God made it clear, despite what she wanted to do, that her son needed to be in the school system. So she obeyed. It hasn't been easy, but she knows she's following His will. Her daughter, however? God made it clear that she was to be homeschooled.

Again, how do you even explain that to people? I mean, people who are believers will usually get it. Or at least, try. But people who aren't? They'll think you're crazy. Or at the very least, wrong.

So yeah. That's where I'm at. Knowing I'm doing the right thing, yet being made to feel like a terrible mom for it. Such a strange place to be.

But hey, if that's the worst that's going on? I think we're doing alright. ;)

Noah update

I really can't even begin to tell you guys how amazing Noah has been doing lately. And this has a little to do with my blog quietness. He's just so BUSY. He wants attention 95% of the day, and honestly, after trying so long to get him interested in being social? I don't mind one bit. He doesn't just want me around. He wants to play games with me, jump on the trampoline, give me kisses, have me tickle him, sing songs... it's just so amazing.

 

(he thinks it's hilarious when we take turns spitting water out at each other)

His vocabulary is taking off like crazy. He can now tell me what he wants regularly. Earlier tonight, he looked at me and asked for, "Cheese"... enunciated perfectly. He's making correct associations. Pictures aren't always necessary. I can say, "Okay, we have to go bye-bye", and he will respond with, "Shoes on!" While shopping at Target, he will clearly ask for "cookies", "cwackers", "apple", "Na-na", or my personal favorite "gweeps" (grapes).
He's now pretending to go potty. He'll sit on the potty, with his clothes on, and say "Potty". Needless to say, I think it's time. We're heading to Lowes soon to get one of those fancy dual toilet topper things, because he's too big for both of the potties we've bought already.

If he wants me to jump with him, he signs jump. He can say slide, swing, and outside. He can tell me if he wants to watch "George", "Tos" (Thomas), or "Tiguh" (Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood).
He does a TON of scripting, which is where he recites favorite clips from shows he watches. Sometimes it takes me a little while to figure out what he's reciting, which is kind of fun. :)

One of his favorite phrases is "Oh no, makin' a mess!" Wonder where he got that from?? (<-- sarcasm font).

Seriously, I'm not even sure I can remember everything he says. Words are just flying out of his mouth now. And so much credit goes to his speech therapist we've had since June. She's tough on him, but so awesome. I tell her all of the time that I know she doesn't always get to hear how much he says when we're with her (because she's making him talk vs him offering it up on his own), but that all of her hard work is showing up at home.

Speaking of his therapists....

He made them cry Tuesday.
Like tears streaming down their faces crying. I had told them a few times how he could sing and sign "Jesus Loves Me", and they finally got to see it. His OT felt it the most I think though, because she's been with him for over a year now.
She saw him when he barely acknowledged our existence. She was with him when he didn't even respond to his name. She knew him when his vocabulary was less than 10 words. So as he sat in front of me, concentrating very hard on following the signs and attempting to enunciate every word, she just couldn't hold it back.

He's come so very far in such a short amount of time.

And then she proclaimed for the second time in two weeks that she's convinced I will be a speech therapist or OT one day. haha. I just told her that the only reason anything I try ends up working is because he's mine. I know how he thinks, what makes him laugh, how to motivate him, when to push him, when to hold back. And really, he's such an amazing kid. I always worry people think I want a ton of praise when I brag on Noah. Because really, it's all him. His personality is just so sweet and silly and bubbly. I would love to live in his world for a day. It seems like a very happy place. :)

In the pictures above, you can see his OT on the horse swing with him. That woman, you guys. She has been a Godsend. She has worked for the past year on building his muscle tone, increasing awareness of his own body, and other sensory issues he's had. And because of her?

This is happening...

I know it probably doesn't look like a big deal, but I've been waiting for the big kid swing transition for a long time. He just didn't have enough core strength to hold himself steady. Now I can walk away, and he stays put, totally happy to hang on.

He had his (very late) well check on Monday. He's 48.8 lbs and 3'7" tall. So 97th percentile in weight, and 94th in height. Told y'all he's a big kid.

We saw a new pediatrician, and he is absolutely amazing. Amazing doesn't begin to describe it honestly. He was able to get a "high five" from Noah when he walked in. He's patient and calm, and I know Noah senses that. I don't feel rushed when I ask him questions. When I explained how the last ped labeled Noah as obese, his eyes got wide and he responded calmly, "That seems a bit presumptuous to label him at age 3". He went on and on about how, yes, Noah is a bigger kid. But that he's clearly healthy. We'll obviously need to watch what his weight does as time goes on, but as of right now, he's fine. He explained how kids on the spectrum are almost never in the middle... they're usually on the skinny side or heavy side. That for reasons doctors aren't fully aware of yet, their metabolisms are different and could be because of any number of things (including being low tone). When talking nutrition, he recommended going to Earth fare. Earth fare!! And to see if I can get him to eat tofu since he doesn't like meat.

And then as we were talking, he said words that were music to my ears. He said the words, "He seems pretty high functioning to me."
Noah's diagnosis says he's severe. I'm pretty sure it was so he could qualify for more services through the state, however hearing a medical professional confirm what you already hope in your heart is true? Cue happy dance.

Socially, he's doing so so well. He loves attention. We've gone to a couple of bigger parties lately, where other kids were there, and he was right in the middle of the action the whole time. At one point, his friend Jackson was wanting to ride in this little push car thing. Noah wanted to ride it too, but I told him he had to wait, that it was Jackson's turn. So he proceeded to push Jackson all around the yard instead. I couldn't believe it. No tantrum. Nothing. Just "okay, then I'll just push him"...

I'll stop here, because I know I'm just gushing at this point.
I guess we're just in a really good place right now, and it has me all kinds of excited at the moment. Had you asked me last year if this is where I thought we'd be? I would've been doubtful. I honestly had no idea what to expect. So yeah, I can barely contain myself when I get going on everything Noah has been doing lately.

I just love this kid so much I could squish him.

homeschooling

When people ask me about our plans for Noah's education, and I tell them, I usually get one of two responses:

1). Delight, followed by "Cool! My sister/aunt/friend/mom/neighbor does that and it works great for them! You'll love it!" It's also usually followed by a bajillion suggestions and ideas that make my head spin.

or?

2). Absolute horror. Visions of a jean jumpers, butter churning, and a socially deprived kid jump in their heads.

That's it. The only two responses.

The sad part is that I'm constantly put on the defensive team. I immediately feel I owe everyone an explanation... a good two years worth of a background story, just to justify to them why we've come to this decision for our family.

I could go into why there are way more pros than cons in our case. How Noah learns best without a bunch of distractions and with one-on-one attention. I could go into the bullying issues, potty training issues, how our local public school systems suck, how private is a fortune (especially with special needs), how I can encourage his love of math while teaching him self-care skills, and on and on.

But I won't.

Instead, I'll explain it in an entirely different way.

It's no secret that I'm a woman of faith. I trust God to provide direction in our lives, to lead our family in the way He wants us to go. We pray regularly for wisdom and that He will make His desires for our lives clear to us.
Growing up, I thought homeschoolers were weird. My best friend was homeschooled, but she was an exception to my (very prejudiced) rule. I loved school, and from the time I was a kid, I never wanted to homeschool my kids. That was for weirdos that dressed badly and didn't use shampoo.

We've spent the last year trying to figure out what we're going to do when Noah finally does hit the magic age of 5. Every time I've prayed for direction, God sends someone my way. You know those big red flags? Like He might as well have just put a big flashy billboard in front of you? Well, I've had multiple billboards. Especially when I begin to doubt my decision to homeschool Noah for preschool and kindergarten.

God continues to put people in my path... the majority being parents of special needs kids, who either homeschool or wish they did. I've listened to a mom, with tears in her eyes, tell me how if her husband would just agree, that she'd homeschool in a heartbeat. Moms who have been down the special needs mainstream route, with way too many horror stories to tell here, only to finally make the decision to homeschool. I'm meeting these women everywhere, not just in places where special needs is prevalent (like the therapy clinic).
A couple of weeks ago, God put another mom in my path whose son is 16 and has autism. I was at the salon getting my hair done, and we struck up a conversation. This woman has homeschooled him from the beginning, before they even knew was autism was. I asked how it's gone for them, and she said that his therapists tell her regularly that it was the best decision she could've ever made for him. He's intelligent, well-rounded, social, and has very few behavioral issues.

I've met people who have been there. Who have given me more resources than I could've ever found on my own. Who have offered advice, wisdom, encouragement, and experience.

God keeps placing these people in my path for a reason. I can't explain it other than I'm trusting my "mom instinct" that this is the right decision for Noah at this particular moment in time.

This is not to say that I will be a homeschool mom forever. That this decision won't change. Tomorrow God could put another billboard in front of me that flashes "send him here!" But until then, I'm sticking with what I know is right for Noah right now.

where we've been

Unintentional blogging breaks are both good and bad. Good, because it means I'm out doing (hopefully) fun things... spending time with my family and friends, booking more work, therapy, trips to the beach, and just getting outside.

Worst slide ever...

Love  family (and boyfriends) that are totally cool to play with Noah the way he loves to play. :)

 Blog breaks are also kind of bad though, because I miss what's going on with my bloggy buds.

......

Noah's therapies at the school have begun again. I'm still not thrilled with his OT. She's a nice girl, but she's kind of clueless.
Like last week? She had this sudden epiphany that "he seems to really like pressure on his back".

<insert me trying to control my "are you kidding me" expression>

Um... yeah. We had that figured out about a year ago. And she got her start in physical therapy. She should know this stuff. But whatever. She's free.
He has a new school speech therapist this year, and she seems really nice. According to his private SLP (who is AMAZING), she's fresh from the farm (aka. school), which explains why she seemed really excited to get to work with Noah. She's not even certified yet. She sweet thing isn't jaded yet from our crappy school system. haha.

To get an idea of how bad our schools are... Angie, our private SLP, is the best speech therapist we've ever encountered (*ahem* IRL, bc we love our online SLP bud Gina). She's amazing and in the two months she's had Noah, he's saying more than he ever has. Not when she's present of course, because they have a major love/hate relationship. But at home? The boy is talking so so much (mostly scripting, meaning he's repeating clips to shows). She remembers kids from previous years at school, to the point where if one happens to walk into the therapy clinic, she runs to give them a hug.
She's the reason Noah's sleep has improved. Like insanely better. Like he's asleep before midnight and up before 9am. <insert angels singing hallelujah chorus>

Because she's awesome, you would think the schools would be so thankful to have her. But not our schools. She's already warned me not to mention her name to them. That it may have the opposite result of what I would want. lol. The reason? She advocates for the kids. She fights to get them GOOD services, more therapy time, and more therapists. I love her, and the fact that even she has to fight for these kids only solidifies my decision for Noah's school (again, more on that later).

...

Noah now knows his ABC's. He's obsessed with letters now, so I got him some of those awful refrigerator magnets that will probably be crammed underneath the fridge before too long. But since putting them up, he's made me sing the alphabet song 5348503945 times. If I stop mid-song, he'll say whatever letter I've landed on, which is how I test what he's retaining. It's pretty awesome. And his "Du-ooo" ("W") is adorable. I stop on that one almost every time, just to hear him say it. haha

...

Now to go catch up on my blogs!
Happy Monday!

Last birthday post, I swear

Normally, since it's already September (yay!), I would just skip over this last birthday post of Noah's. Except that a moment at this party caused Brad and I to want to cry (for a good reason). So I have to document.

We meet at my grandparents' house with the majority of my dad's family once a month to celebrate everyone's birthdays. In August, we have Noah, my little brother, and my uncle.

This is my dad's "baby" brother. He's about 6'4" and the youngest of the four of them. Crazy, huh? haha

 

After dinner, we usually gather around in the kitchen and sing happy birthday. All Noah wanted was some ice cream, so my dad had already gotten him set up in the dining room when it was time to sing. They went ahead and sang to my uncle and brother. And instead of just moving on and assuming Noah would be fine, they picked up his cupcakes, gathered around him in the dining room, and sang happy birthday again, just for him.

 

He just looked around at everyone, amazed that they were singing to him. It was such a sweet moment. My family is awesome.

Outside, they have a wooden porch swing attached to my granddaddy's workshop/garage. We've been working on strengthening his core muscles. He hates to use them, but that swing? It's the best workout for him, and he doesn't even realize it. He no longer leans back the whole time. He now holds himself up, even when it changes direction.

And he's finally letting some of the family members love on him beyond just a quick hug and kiss. My cousin's wife Breanne soaked this moment up for sure. She told me how she's been waiting so long for Noah to let her love on him and this totally made her night.

So now you see why I couldn't just skip this one. There's just too much sweetness to ignore. My family has just amazed me with how much they love Noah and accept him for who he is. We're all pretty country, and several of them didn't know anything about Autism when he was diagnosed. But instead of being weird around him, they've done the exact opposite. Even my granddaddy, who is a total strong-Southern-man type, tries to interact, love on, and encourage Noah anytime he can. It's really sweet.

My family is awesome.

advocacy

This walk of special needs parenting is an interesting one.

I realized today, looking back on the last year, that once you get that official diagnosis? The learning curve is insanely steep, both for the kid and for the parents. Especially for the parents.

It's just not something most people even consider when they have kids. When you have a baby, you kind of assume everything's going to be fine. I mean, obviously every kid has their own challenges. But for the most part, major developmental issues aren't really on a typical parent's radar.

This last year has brought a lot of learning for us. Words like "low tone", "neurotypical", "joint compressions", "vestibular input", and so on... had zero meaning to us. We went from being the parents of a cute toddler to being advocates of a child with autism.

The logistics of helping Noah are just the tip of the iceberg. Nobody prepared me for the emotional roller coaster.  Watching all the other kids at the park play together while your sweet boy wanders around alone? Or having kids, younger than him, ask me why he doesn't talk? It's like a punch in the stomach. I want so badly to make this world work for him. It's getting better, due to so many kids being diagnosed. But it's still a constant worry in the back of my mind.

Then there are the battles. Fighting for your child against the people who are supposed to be on his side. I'm so thankful for the therapists that are good. That get attached to their kids and love them wholeheartedly. That spend their off time researching and learning. Who find the words, "I love you" spontaneously come out when talking to my little boy. The ones who offer encouragement, new ideas, and advice... knowing we're all on the same team? They're the ones I will always thank God for.
But when the school's speech therapist says she wants to combine three therapists into a closet of a room and work with Noah at the same time for 30 minutes? That's when I have a hard time trusting people's judgement. As if that's even enough time for one therapist. Or like one of my friend whose child's teacher didn't remember what grade he was supposed to be in. Things like that make you both nervous and defensive.

I'm having to make a tough phone call this year. It's my very first, and I hope it'll be my last. Last year, I was concerned about the OT the school assigned to Noah. We pay privately for an OT, and that woman has become like family to us. This other girl though? Oh my word. It's sad. She and Noah just didn't click. They didn't understand each other. I wish I'd spoken up last year and requested a different one, but I kept hoping it would improve. He has her again this year. I mentioned the issue with his private OT and SLP. The SLP kind of side-eyed me and asked, "Is it -----?" (taking her name out, just in case). I couldn't believe it. Apparently, this OT has a reputation of not connecting to her students well. She's a very nice person, which makes this call so hard for me. I'm a people pleaser by nature, and I hate to offend anyone. But I have to stand up for my kid and try to find a better alternative.

I don't really know where this post is going. Just say a prayer for me as I try to figure this out. I hate upsetting people, but in the end, I can't spend another year regretting my decision to continue with this particular therapist.