Noah update

Noah's progress in the last few months really has been so phenomenal that I can't NOT post about it. The kid is now speaking in small sentences ("Need help", "More ice", "Go in the water", etc). A year ago, he had an extremely limited vocabulary. It's been amazing to watch him grow.

(Swimming at a neighbor's house, and he's now tall enough to touch the bottom!)

His interests are also broadening as well, and he's able to tell us about them. He's taken an interest in sports. He's not really competitive, but he really loves baseball and bowling right now. He prefers to pitch to us rather than hit, which is fascinating to me. Normally kids like to be the one batting all the time.

He's also recently become obsessed with bowling. I have Calliou to thank for that actually. He fell in love with an episode where Grandpa takes Calliou bowling. And while I can't stand the whiney kid, I'm kind of excited it spurred an interest in Noah. He actually asked to go bowling and has asked to go back almost every day since. I'm so so glad the bowling alleys in our area do free kids bowling in the summer. Perfect timing!

I had no idea bowling alleys did this now (or maybe they always did?), but they have ramps for kids, mostly for the really little ones or those with special needs. Noah still has low muscle tone in his arms, so after he starts to get tired, he'll use the ramp. Still uses those muscles, but the ball doesn't stop midway down the lane. haha.

And of course, we've been doing lots of swimming and water fun. There's an aquatic center nearby that has a cool outdoor playground pool. Noah loves it there! My sister came with us last time to help me out. We decided she'd be a lot faster getting to him if something were to happen. lol.

People keep asking me how Noah's been handling the pregnancy or if he seems to understand there is a baby coming. We've talked about the baby a few times, especially now that the crib is set up. I'm not sure how much of it he gets, but I've learned not to underestimate his comprehension of things. Brad and I realize that he can take in information in one quick glance and remember it forever, whereas most people need to think about it first. This is one reason we're very cautious about what people say in front of Noah about autism and his development. We actually have made the decision recently not to allow him to be around a particular person anymore. Every time she's around him, she picks him apart... his diet, his mannerisms, etc. The fact that I haven't strangled her yet, given my insanely hormonal pregnant state, is nothing short of a miracle. So yeah, no more of that. 

I do think Noah is at least picking up that something is changing. He's become incredibly clingy to me, bursting into tears when I have to leave for a Dr appt or just to get my hair done. I had to go to the OB last week, and Brad had an interview to go to. My sister came over to stay with him while I was gone, and she said he watched me back out of the driveway then bawled his little eyes out. Ugh. Mom guilt, anyone??

I totally get this is a phase and most likely being triggered by all the changes going on. But it still stings.

The good thing is that the tears don't last long, and he's happy once I come back. It'll be interesting to see how he handles my attention being divided after the baby is here. I'm also a little worried about being in the hospital for a couple of days. I know he'll be fine, but I can't help worrying about him just a little.

The good thing is that we live so close to family, and it's going to be a team effort taking care of him. My mom, stepdad, and little sister will be staying with him. But my dad and stepmom will be helping out too. And hopefully this go-around will be much smoother than it was with Noah. With Noah, I was in the hospital for four days. This time, I'm hoping I get to leave as soon as possible. :)

Baby update

Oh geez. I swear I'm still around. And it really has nothing to do with me not wanting to blog anymore. I seriously have had no time to do it! We've been busy redecorating/rearranging rooms, painting, cleaning, working, and just normal life stuff... so much so that by the end of the day, all I want to do it go to bed or watch The Bachelorette with a bowl of ice cream.

But here I am. Finally attempting to blog about this poor baby. He's totally a second kid. I'm doing my best to get his nursery put together in time, but dang if life doesn't keep getting in the way. I mean, my family barely had the time to throw me a baby shower. haha! I told them I didn't expect one, but luckily, we all believe that each kid should be celebrated, even if they happen to be the same gender as their sibling. My mom threw one for me last weekend, and I managed to grab a couple shots of the decorations and one of me with her.
It really was so pretty. And even though it was small, it was so nice to sit with friends while awww-ing over teeny tiny bath robes and itty bitty mittens.

(My mom's dining room actually looks like this ALL the time. Not with baby shower decor, obviously. But the woman has an obsession with antique china, so it's always set up as if the Queen of England was going to stop by any day now.)

(These were amazing. She ordered them from a local bakery that was on Cupcake Wars.)

I'm also having a baby shower on Sunday that my stepmom is throwing, mostly with aunts and cousins. So hopefully I'll get to blog about that before Little Man actually hits his 1st birthday. ;)

As far as the actual pregnancy, it's still going really well. I'm officially 37 weeks (as of Tuesday). 

Swelling has definitely started, but nothing to worry about. I saw my OB yesterday morning, and she's not concerned. My BP was perfect, and when I showed her my legs, she gave me a big grin and said, "Aww, you have cankles! Welcome to the last weeks of your pregnancy!!" Honestly, I love this woman. She has a kid, and she gets it. She also knows telling me to "stay off my feet" just isn't doable with a 4 yr old at home. So unless I give her a reason to worry, we're not worrying. Same with weight. I still haven't gained nearly as much as I did with Noah (I think I've hit the 35 lb mark? I gained over 60 with Noah, mostly from swelling). I've had more energy and just felt better all around. So yay for that.

I've had some back throbbing type pain which I was concerned was early labor signs, but nope. Just good times carrying around the weight of a baby.

The only thing I'm a little nervous about is going into labor on my own. That probably sounds weird, but I was induced with Noah. I kind of know what to expect, just not when to expect it. So that's probably what I'm more scared about. Just the logistics of all that. I don't know how slow/quick I'll be naturally, if I'll go early or late, when to play it safe and head to the hospital or wait it out... stuff like that. On the other hand, I do NOT want to be induced again if I can avoid it. That pitocin was no joke, and I hear regular labor is much easier on momma than pitocin. Especially pitocin with an epidural that won't work. Um, no thank you. I'll take the uncertainties over that any day.

So yeah. That's really all there is to report, pregnancy-wise. Little guy is keeping things relatively uneventful right now, and I'm so appreciating it!

Things I've learned from both pregnancies

Missed me? ;)

Honestly, I feel terrible for not documenting this pregnancy much. But frankly, there's not a whole lot to really document. Everything has been pretty smooth sailing other than some pregnancy induced RLS and some heartburn. Other than that, it's been pretty uneventful (not that I'm complaining!).

Life has been a whirlwind lately. Brad has started a new side job/hobby that's bringing in a bit of extra cash, and I've been working like a crazy woman with photography gigs. Not to the point where I'm overdoing it, but definitely enough to keep me busy.

Anyway, in an effort to document something... and to empty out my brain a bit... I thought I'd list out some things I've learned from both my pregnancies so far. Yeah, some people don't like lists, but whatever. The school nerd in me, who actually enjoyed outlining papers, prefers a list sometimes.

Things I Learned from Two Pregnancies:

1. Each pregnancy (and subsequently, kid) is different. If I'd decided whether or not to have more kids solely based on my pregnancy experience with Noah? Yeah, he'd probably be an only child. I gained a ghastly amount of weight with him (at the end, it was over 60 lbs). So far, I think I'm around 25 lbs with this one... and I'm 7 months. So normal weight gain, minimal swelling, and still have energy (despite not sleeping well sometimes).

2. Throw out the scale. That bathroom demon was actually gone before I got pregnant this time around. We have a new scale, but I refuse to step on it. I remember how depressed I got watching the numbers go up when pregnant with Noah, and I would beat myself up for not keeping my weight under control. This time, I only see my weight if I decide to look down at the OB office. Otherwise, I figure they'll let me know if they're worried. As long as I'm feeling good, eating well, and staying as active as I can with a growing belly? There's not much else I can control.

3. Be prepared. And by this, I don't mean it's imperative that the nursery be perfect by D-Day. I mean, get your necessary crap together. Buy a nursing bra (didn't do that with Noah, and it sucked). If you want a cute "going home" outfit for the baby, figure it out before you hit that 40 week mark. Do your research on breastfeeding if you want to give it a go. It didn't work well for me with Noah, and I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I was so sick during and after delivery. My blood pressure was dangerously high for a good 2-3 weeks after delivery. I also didn't know what I should be eating, drinking, wearing, etc. The lactation consultant at the hospital was terrible. So yeah, I'm giving it another go. If it doesn't work out again, I refuse to panic or beat myself up about it. But I do feel like I'm better informed/prepared this time around.

4. This may make me a shallow person, but it's really important to me to feel pretty (or at least almost human). I swear maternity clothes make me look a good 15-20 lbs heavier than I actually am. I'm wearing a lot of light, open blouses with regular tank tops underneath (just in a larger size). I could live in  my maxi skirts, and I only have like two pair of maternity pants I'm willing to wear. At the hospital, I'm also refusing to feel so frumptastic. Last time... again with the sick excuse... I was stuck in that awful hospital gown for 3 days before they finally unhooked me from all the machines and let me take a shower. I felt so terrible, I didn't care what I looked like. I mean, I sort of did, but figured it was a lost cause. I used the hospital soap, wore oversized sweats, and went home wearing the hospital "underwear"... if you've used them, you know that's a very loose term. This time around, I'm buying myself some travel sized Bath and Body Works stuff to take with me. I'll still take maternity clothes, but the cute/comfy stuff. All of this may make me shallow, but honestly, the littlest things make such a difference for my mood. Even if I just smell nice, I instantly feel so much better.

5. Other kids keep you from gaining a ton of weight. I swear I'm so busy with Noah that I'll have days where I know I probably didn't eat enough calories. Of course, I'll also have days where I would love nothing more than to completely raid the Krispy Kreme and steal all their glazed doughnuts. Because Brad has been so busy with work related stuff, getting decent workouts in with Noah has been tough. But I'll get on the trampoline with him and walk around in circles. It's a great leg workout, and there's no risk of falling since it has a net around it. Plus Noah doesn't care if I'm not actually jumping. He's just happy I'm there.

6. Having another of the same gender has allowed me to shop for more fun stuff. :) I think everyone and their mother gave me onesies at Noah's baby showers. Nothing fancy, just your basic Carters type stuff. So that's covered. Now I get to shop for adorable outfits that frankly serve zero purpose other than just looking cute.

7. It's fun to keep the baby's name a secret. We told people what we're having, but we've decided to hold off on sharing the name. I love hearing all of the guesses. Brad's coworkers are starting to place bets on it. lol.

8. Labor isn't any less scary this time around. Even though I'm excited to meet him, there's still that looming, "I have to do that again..." Yes, I have a better idea of what to expect, which helps. The good part is that, since this is my second, people aren't telling me their horror stories this time around.

9. Having an awesome support system is... well, awesome. Our buddy Chase will be staying at our house with Noah, with some of my family coming in to help him during the day. After I come home, my parents have already agreed to take Noah out for me once a week. My dad has already claimed Tuesday evenings. lol. This way, Noah gets out of the house, and I get some one-on-one bonding time with the new little guy. And since I'm homeschooling, this will most likely continue. We're making this a family affair... everyone gets to contribute to his education, even if it's little things like writing words in the sandbox at my dad's or my mom taking him to the local kids' museum.

10. It is what it is. I'm refusing to stress. Noah's birth (actually, just Noah in general) taught me that things don't always go according to plan. In the end, as long as I have a healthy baby boy to hold, I'm good. ;)

things going through my head

I'm realizing it's okay just to write when I want to. It doesn't have to be another to-do on my checklist. That's kind of the point anyway, right?

***

Sibling Day was yesterday apparently. Which for kids from divorced/blended families, it makes things a little complicated.

I have one full brother, two stepsisters, and one "half" sister. The stepsisters and half sister are from different sides of the remarriages. I grew up with the stepsisters before our parents were both divorced. There's lots of history. So what do I post? Do I do two posts... one with one side, then another with the other? Do I photoshop them all in one picture? Which side do I include my brother in?

I'm pretty sure no matter how I worked it out, somebody's feelings would be hurt. So I just didn't post anything.
Seriously, it shouldn't be this stressful. lol

So here. Me with my brother and little sister:

 

And an old one of me with my stepsisters:

 

 

There. Happy (day after) Sibling Day. ;)

***

I've gotten to the stage in my pregnancy where I'm don't-take-no-crap-from-nobody mom. If only this had kicked in a couple weeks ago when I was feeling judged/pressured/bullied about an issue regarding Noah (I'll get to it in a minute).

I got this way around this time with Noah too. I actually yelled at my boss at the time. *hangs head in shame* In my defense, everyone else there always wanted to. She could be pretty mean at times, and we would all just take it. But add in some good 'ol pregnancy hormones, and it was enough for me to walk into her office and let her have it for embarrassing me in front of my coworkers. And of course, that night I was appalled at myself and apologized. lol.

Anyway, I can feel it happening again. Thankfully, this time I'm prepared. I could feel myself getting super angry with Brad over something stupid a couple of days ago, so instead of losing it, I just walked away. Ten minutes later, I was good.

Pregnancy is so weird sometimes.

***

Facebook is starting to irritate me just a little bit. It may be related to the above mentioned hormones. But I swear, people are so quick to hand out advice that they often don't even read what was written in the original post. And then I get all embarrassed for them when they sound goofy.

Then there's the issue of random people wanting to be friends with me. We have a mutual friend in common, so therefore... we must be friends too! It's very strange and puts me in an awkward position. I don't want to be a jerk and not add them, but I also don't feel comfortable becoming friends with people I really don't know. So I have about 15 people just sitting in my "request" box.

***

This baby is a break-dancer. Or a gymnast. Something along those lines. The kid is busy. I could feel him moving really early on this time around (at 15 weeks), and he hasn't let up since. It's kind of distracting when you're trying to carry on a normal conversation with someone while having a tiny person doing somersaults and kicking your ribs.

Speaking of which, I'm officially 26 weeks as of Tuesday. That means next week? I'll be in my 3rd trimester. This pregnancy is flying! Ask me in a month or two though, and I doubt I'll be feeling the same way. ;)

***

So the thing that got me all anxious and weird? Our decision to homeschool Noah.
His speech therapist, who works for the local school system in addition to private therapy, asked me about it and then put all this pressure on me. I literally left there feeling so defeated, anxious, and freaked that this was going to make things weird from now on.

When most people decide what to do with their kids' schooling, it's really not a big deal. The most you really have to deal with are nosy friends or opinionated family members, right? But when you have a special needs kid, suddenly you feel like you have to explain every little decision to everyone, including people who only see him for 30 minutes a week. And I don't even mean schooling... I'm talking diet, therapy, sleep, discipline... the list goes on. But telling people who work for the school system that you don't plan on putting them there? Yeah, that doesn't go over well.

Then you're made to feel like an idiot. Or a bad mom. Or that you can't do it. I think visions of me in a jean jumper, Noah churning butter, and staring blankly when "outsiders" talk to us must be racing through their heads.

Here's the thing. I don't hate schools. I don't hate teachers. I'm not anti-school at all! In fact, as a kid, I really loved school. There are some amazing teachers out there... I'm friends with lots of them! Teachers who are amazing with kids, special needs or not. I know the school system can be an amazing resource. I know plenty of kids benefit from it. But I also knew two years ago in my heart of hearts... that gut mom-instinct.... God was telling me to homeschool Noah. I could give you statistics, countless stories, and about a million other reasons that factored into our decision... but at the end of the day, it's because I know the One I need to answer to is the only one that matters. How do you explain that to people? That God has made it clear, and I need to listen.

I have a friend that gets it. She's one of the coolest people I've ever met. Her son has high functioning autism and her daughter has a sensory processing disorder (among a couple other things). I went to her for advice/encouragement. She totally got it. She told me how God made it clear, despite what she wanted to do, that her son needed to be in the school system. So she obeyed. It hasn't been easy, but she knows she's following His will. Her daughter, however? God made it clear that she was to be homeschooled.

Again, how do you even explain that to people? I mean, people who are believers will usually get it. Or at least, try. But people who aren't? They'll think you're crazy. Or at the very least, wrong.

So yeah. That's where I'm at. Knowing I'm doing the right thing, yet being made to feel like a terrible mom for it. Such a strange place to be.

But hey, if that's the worst that's going on? I think we're doing alright. ;)

A bit of an update

Alright. I'm going to do it. I'm going to post this if it kills me.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I just seem to have lost all motivation to blog. I used to really look forward to it, but now? Eh. Honestly, I think ever since I switched my blog over, it's just not as fun. Like I lost my groove. I'm sure I'll get it back once this next baby is here, but right now, I'm not really feelin' it.

I don't think I'm the only one though. My blog feed is pretty quiet. Maybe it's the weather?

***

So what have we been up to?
Lots of random little things. If you follow me on instagram or Facebook, you've probably seen it. Playing outside (when it's not freezing), going to therapy, spending time with family... just little stuff that all adds up to good stuff.

I'm officially 23 weeks pregnant (as of yesterday).

I'm realizing this time around how off I was with Noah the whole time. No, I didn't develop full on pre-eclampsia until week 38, but something wasn't right. I feel totally different this time around. I mean, I still get the usual symptoms like heartburn (praise Jesus for Zantac).

But with Noah? I was exhausted all the time. Even in the 2nd trimester I didn't have much energy. I also gained weight like crazy, even though my diet hadn't really changed. I could never understand how my other pregnant friends were able to eat McDonalds every week and not turn into a heifer, yet if I dared to even look at a cookie, I gained 8 lbs. I'm not even kidding. I broke down in my OB's office when I was pregnant with Noah, because I was eating diet food and still gaining like crazy.

This time? I'm still being smart. I eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full. I eat lots of lean meat, fruits, veggies, etc. I also stay busy with Noah. I was still "jumping" (more like gliding?) on the trampoline at 21 weeks. I do leg exercises almost every night. Basically, my last pregnancy had me freaked out about how this one would go, so I've been super careful.
But I also indulge my cravings. I've let myself eat ice cream, Chinese, and plenty of string cheese. Oh, and I had Krispy Kreme once. Go big or go home.
With Noah, that would've made me gain an insane amount. But every time I go for a check-in, I've only gained 2/3/4 lbs. It's been a little strange, actually. Like I brace myself for "the talk"... the "lay off the doughnuts" talk. I even warned them about how I gained with Noah. And every time, I've been pleasantly surprised with an uneventful appointment. No concerns, everything looks normal, see you in a few weeks.

So I'm extremely happy and grateful to be where I am right now.
I'm actually enjoying my pregnancy! Whodathought??

Week 22

A photographer friend of mine offered to do a family session/gender announcement pics recently.

We had wanted to do something fun like silly string or glitter. Actually, we tried both. The glitter was like fairy dust, so you couldn't even see the color (don't send a man to buy glitter). The silly string came out white, despite the vibrant misleading colored top.

Thankfully, I had thought to dress us all in blue. That's right, in case you didn't see somewhere else, we're having another boy!

Pregnancy details

It's definitely true that the second pregnancy seems to go by faster than the first. Noah keeps me pretty preoccupied, not to mention all the fall photography sessions I had, then there was Christmas... frankly, if it weren't for the nausea and the waist in my jeans getting tighter, there's a chance I'd forgot to do things like take my prenatals and drink more water. I also didn't see my OB until I was 10 weeks. She's incredibly popular here, so her schedule combined with mine and Brad's crazy schedule kind of put us behind a bit. I was super nervous by the time I finally got around to that appointment. I seriously prayed every day for this baby's health (and mine), and every time I got worried, God would give me a little reassurance with some kind of obvious pregnancy symptom. I've never been so relieved to feel so terrible. lol

The first trimester was different this time than with Noah in that I felt sick more. With Noah, I was mostly just exhausted all of the time. I was also starving. I would arrive to most of my photography sessions feeling awful, eat a granola bar, and then put on a brave face. Once I got distracted, it wasn't so bad.

As for finding out, we had actually kind of "thrown caution to the wind" since the summer. I was actually beginning to wonder if something might be wrong, considering how fast we got pregnant with Noah, then last year with the miscarriage. But I love God's sense of humor.

I met with a couple of girlfriends one night for dinner back in October. No real reason, just as an excuse to get out and have some girl time. I remember feeling a little sick on the way there, but I didn't equate it to morning sickness. Sometimes I get queasy as a PMS symptom (weird, right?), so I just assumed it was that. I was fine the rest of the night, especially after we starting catching up. Anyway, one of the girls is in the process of adoption. They have three healthy babies naturally already, but adoption has been on their hearts for a long time. The other has four kids, all under the age of 5 (and she's seriously the sweetest, most patient mom I've ever met... the woman should be wearing a cape). So we were obviously talking about families and kids and all that. Well, I'm sure God was totally grinning as I told them how I'd been concerned about not getting pregnant yet. Because little did I know, I was already. Ah, irony.

A couple weeks later, I had an engagement session. Brad came along with me to help, and I told him how I'd felt sick the whole time driving there. We decided to pick up a pregnancy test on the way home. Once we got back, I went ahead and took it. And 5 minutes later, all that morning sickness was confirmed. Our buddy Chase had stayed with Noah while we were gone, so he was there when we found out as well, so that was kind of fun. And he did a great job keeping it a secret. :)

The next people we told were Noah's therapists, mostly because I'm a terrible liar and knew they'd know something was up. I used the "I don't feel well" only once on his OT, and she immediately thought I might be pregnant. Women are too perceptive. haha.

We finally told my dad and stepmom privately on Thanksgiving. I originally wanted to wait until Christmas like I did with my mom, but again... I'm a terrible liar. I felt terrible and knew they would notice I didn't eat much. Who doesn't want to eat on Thanksgiving?? I was able to avoid my mom easily, which sounds terrible. But she was super busy working (she's a freelance sign language interpreter) and doing typical holiday stuff.

My belly starting showing a lot earlier this time around, which I'd heard is normal. So here's me at 13 weeks:

As of today, I'm officially 16 weeks. I've been feeling better, still nauseous sometimes, but it's mostly subsided. I've also gotten lightheaded a few times... one time almost blacking out. I kind of move quick anyway, so I'm trying to slow down. The good news is my blood pressure is obviously normal/low (I was pre-eclamptic with Noah, so yay for that).

I'm doing my best this time around to be as healthy as possible. I've been eating salads every day for the last couple of weeks (once I felt like eating something besides bread again). And more red meat than normal. I actually don't eat much red meat at all... like twice a month maybe. But in an effort to increase my iron (I'm always low), I decided to increase my red meat and dark leafy green intake. Iron supplements tear up my stomach (even the "gentle" kind), so I'd rather stick to the regular sources if possible. My goal is to exercise 3x a week. I'm sticking to walking or yoga to play it safe. But like I said, I move quick naturally, so my fast walk? Most people have to jog to keep up with me. Drives Brad crazy when we're out places like the mall. lol

People keep rooting for me to have a girl this time (of course), but I keep telling them I'm happy with whatever. And it's not a lie. I really am so happy to just have a happy baby. Yes, a girl would be fun, but boys are fun too. So we'll see in a couple of weeks!!