things going through my head

I'm realizing it's okay just to write when I want to. It doesn't have to be another to-do on my checklist. That's kind of the point anyway, right?

***

Sibling Day was yesterday apparently. Which for kids from divorced/blended families, it makes things a little complicated.

I have one full brother, two stepsisters, and one "half" sister. The stepsisters and half sister are from different sides of the remarriages. I grew up with the stepsisters before our parents were both divorced. There's lots of history. So what do I post? Do I do two posts... one with one side, then another with the other? Do I photoshop them all in one picture? Which side do I include my brother in?

I'm pretty sure no matter how I worked it out, somebody's feelings would be hurt. So I just didn't post anything.
Seriously, it shouldn't be this stressful. lol

So here. Me with my brother and little sister:

 

And an old one of me with my stepsisters:

 

 

There. Happy (day after) Sibling Day. ;)

***

I've gotten to the stage in my pregnancy where I'm don't-take-no-crap-from-nobody mom. If only this had kicked in a couple weeks ago when I was feeling judged/pressured/bullied about an issue regarding Noah (I'll get to it in a minute).

I got this way around this time with Noah too. I actually yelled at my boss at the time. *hangs head in shame* In my defense, everyone else there always wanted to. She could be pretty mean at times, and we would all just take it. But add in some good 'ol pregnancy hormones, and it was enough for me to walk into her office and let her have it for embarrassing me in front of my coworkers. And of course, that night I was appalled at myself and apologized. lol.

Anyway, I can feel it happening again. Thankfully, this time I'm prepared. I could feel myself getting super angry with Brad over something stupid a couple of days ago, so instead of losing it, I just walked away. Ten minutes later, I was good.

Pregnancy is so weird sometimes.

***

Facebook is starting to irritate me just a little bit. It may be related to the above mentioned hormones. But I swear, people are so quick to hand out advice that they often don't even read what was written in the original post. And then I get all embarrassed for them when they sound goofy.

Then there's the issue of random people wanting to be friends with me. We have a mutual friend in common, so therefore... we must be friends too! It's very strange and puts me in an awkward position. I don't want to be a jerk and not add them, but I also don't feel comfortable becoming friends with people I really don't know. So I have about 15 people just sitting in my "request" box.

***

This baby is a break-dancer. Or a gymnast. Something along those lines. The kid is busy. I could feel him moving really early on this time around (at 15 weeks), and he hasn't let up since. It's kind of distracting when you're trying to carry on a normal conversation with someone while having a tiny person doing somersaults and kicking your ribs.

Speaking of which, I'm officially 26 weeks as of Tuesday. That means next week? I'll be in my 3rd trimester. This pregnancy is flying! Ask me in a month or two though, and I doubt I'll be feeling the same way. ;)

***

So the thing that got me all anxious and weird? Our decision to homeschool Noah.
His speech therapist, who works for the local school system in addition to private therapy, asked me about it and then put all this pressure on me. I literally left there feeling so defeated, anxious, and freaked that this was going to make things weird from now on.

When most people decide what to do with their kids' schooling, it's really not a big deal. The most you really have to deal with are nosy friends or opinionated family members, right? But when you have a special needs kid, suddenly you feel like you have to explain every little decision to everyone, including people who only see him for 30 minutes a week. And I don't even mean schooling... I'm talking diet, therapy, sleep, discipline... the list goes on. But telling people who work for the school system that you don't plan on putting them there? Yeah, that doesn't go over well.

Then you're made to feel like an idiot. Or a bad mom. Or that you can't do it. I think visions of me in a jean jumper, Noah churning butter, and staring blankly when "outsiders" talk to us must be racing through their heads.

Here's the thing. I don't hate schools. I don't hate teachers. I'm not anti-school at all! In fact, as a kid, I really loved school. There are some amazing teachers out there... I'm friends with lots of them! Teachers who are amazing with kids, special needs or not. I know the school system can be an amazing resource. I know plenty of kids benefit from it. But I also knew two years ago in my heart of hearts... that gut mom-instinct.... God was telling me to homeschool Noah. I could give you statistics, countless stories, and about a million other reasons that factored into our decision... but at the end of the day, it's because I know the One I need to answer to is the only one that matters. How do you explain that to people? That God has made it clear, and I need to listen.

I have a friend that gets it. She's one of the coolest people I've ever met. Her son has high functioning autism and her daughter has a sensory processing disorder (among a couple other things). I went to her for advice/encouragement. She totally got it. She told me how God made it clear, despite what she wanted to do, that her son needed to be in the school system. So she obeyed. It hasn't been easy, but she knows she's following His will. Her daughter, however? God made it clear that she was to be homeschooled.

Again, how do you even explain that to people? I mean, people who are believers will usually get it. Or at least, try. But people who aren't? They'll think you're crazy. Or at the very least, wrong.

So yeah. That's where I'm at. Knowing I'm doing the right thing, yet being made to feel like a terrible mom for it. Such a strange place to be.

But hey, if that's the worst that's going on? I think we're doing alright. ;)